Typically, when we have a student who is not following the expectations, we start to take things away. Whether it be choice time, recess, or any other fun activity. Are there instances where taking these away are appropriate consequences? Absolutely. Is this always the best method of discipline? Absolutely not.

Consider that all students want to do well, and each time they do not follow the expectation, it is a way of communicating that they do not have the tools to comply with the expectations. When can they learn what these expectations are and have real practice with them?

I believe that the following story is true for all students. However, this post refers to our students receiving special education services in the self-contained setting.

This week, we held an assembly where each teacher got to choose 1 student from their class to participate in a game in front of the whole school. The kids love these opportunities because even if they lose the game, they feel like winners for being chosen. On this day, a couple of hours before the assembly, the student chosen from the self-contained classroom (we have someone participate from ALL classrooms, including our Social Emotional Learning class and our Life Skills class) had a difficult time at recess. This student’s behavior warranted him not being able to participate in the afternoon assembly. We considered this option and then began thinking, “How will this student learn how to interact with his peers or lose a game if we do not practice these skills?”. Our students who struggle the most will never learn how to follow social norms or expectations if we do not let them be modeled by their general education peers.

The student was very concerned that he had blown his chance to participate, but I assured him that there would be a consequence but that he could still be part of the assembly. Before the assembly began, I pulled him from the crowd and told him that during the game, there will be winners and losers and that it is possible that he will not win. He acknowledged this could happen and gave me a high five.

The game began, and this student’s team lost. Before his team had even crossed the finish line, he started walking quickly to the winning team. I felt my stomach sink, thinking that we were about to see an explosion in front of the whole school. I thought about how I could have prevented this had I taken the opportunity away like most people would have done.

He walked straight over to the winning team and was the first person to say, “Good game!” We almost took this opportunity for him to learn sportsmanship away. Had we done things like most schools, he never would have had the chance to lose but still feel like a winner. We have to start giving our most challenging kids chances to succeed, even if they make mistakes!

This same theory applies to the cafeteria or classroom activities. If a student struggles to follow expectations in the cafeteria, taking them out of the cafeteria permanently will never help them understand how to do it. Giving these chances can be scary, and sometimes we get them wrong. However, typically, if you give kids an opportunity, they will rise to the occasion.